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Online Book Club: NurtureShock Chapter One

Welcome to the first installment of our Online Book Club, featuring NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. Everyone is welcome to join in at any time, either here or on our Facebook page. We’ll cover the 10 chapters one at a time over the next couple of weeks. We welcome your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments. If you have a question you’d like to ask of the authors, either include it in the comments or email Jennifer at jcaleshu(at)badm.org and she’ll pass it along.

First a quick introduction – I’m Jennifer Caleshu, Director of Communications at the Bay Area Discovery Museum, and your book club host. I’m the mom to a 4.5 year old boy and a 1.5 year old girl. A small disclaimer as well: my comments for the book club are my own personal opinion and not necessarily the opinion of the Museum.

Chapter 1. The Inverse Power of Praise. “Sure, he’s special. But new research suggests if you tell him that, you’ll ruin him. It’s a neurobiological fact.”

This is definitely one of those “easier said than done” revelations. I’ve certainly heard before about the importance of encouraging effort, instead of praising innate ability. But it isn’t easy to stop “wow, you’re so smart!” from coming out of your mouth, especially when you truly believe it!

And as I reflect on my childhood, I wonder – if I had received more praise for effort than ability as a child, would I have given up on organic chemistry quite so easily when the intellectual going got really tough? And at least year’s preschool conference for my eldest, the teacher noted that what may appear as shyness is actually concern over ‘doing it right’ – my son takes his time, watches and waits until he’s certain he understands an art project, for example, before jumping in and doing it “right.” How can I foster a ‘try and fail and try again’ mentality – the quality of persistence that many successful people have.

I love the metaphor in the book about exercising your brain like a muscle - that's a concept that I've heard applies to growing older as well (use it or lose it!). And the importance of being specific in praise makes it easier to apply the research as well - it takes more work as a parent to find the specific effort to praise, but being specific means you're being genuine, which is always better than a half-hearted "wow you're smart!"

What do you think? Are you a “praise junkie,” as Bronson describes himself, for either yourself personally or for your child? One of my favorite bloggers, Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project remarks often about her own need for “gold stars” – and the challenges of trying to give yourself your own stars (intrinsic motivation) versus getting them from others (extrinsic motivation). Are you trying to adjust your “praise” of your own children? How do you apply this chapter to your own parenting or reflect upon your own childhood?

Do you have any questions about the research that you’d like to ask the authors? Include them in the comments – Po and Ashley have volunteered to answer them for us!

If you’d like to purchase a copy of the book for 15% off from Books Inc. in Laurel Village in San Francisco, just email jcaleshu(at)badm.org and I’ll add you to the book group list.

This entry was posted on 11/02/09 and is filed under Jennifer Caleshu.
Tagged: book club

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