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Online Book Club: NurtureShock Chapter 3

Welcome to the third installment of our Online Book Club, featuring NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. Everyone is welcome to join in at any time, either here or on our Facebook page. We’ll cover the 10 chapters one at a time over the next few weeks. We welcome your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments. If you have a question you’d like to ask of the authors, either include it in the comments or email Jennifer at jcaleshu(at)badm.org and she’ll pass it along.

Chapter 3: Why White Parents Don't Talk About Race. Does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse?

I admit - I fear I am exactly who they are talking about - a white parent who doesn't talk in the right way about race. Yes, we tried to explain to our 4.5 year old how important and significant it is to have a Black president. But it seems so hard to try to explain the history of prejudice. And living in Marin, his world is much less diverse than we would like - not just skin color, but economic diversity and diversity of life experience.

But the research about in-group preferences even in young children - that children seek out "their own" group even when it's a manufactured group like the color of shirt you wear for a research study - proves to me that we need to be much more explicit. Our children don't live in a color-blind world, and if we don't make our values clear, they'll draw their own conclusions.

I particularly liked the authors' recommendation to approach talking about race in the same way we talk about gender - we're very explicit that girls and boys can do the same things, strive for the same goals in life, and in fact, as a working mom and stay-at-home-dad couple, I think we're living a lifestyle that proves men can be nurturing caregivers and women can be competent breadwinners.

So how do we be explicit about race? Evidently children's books help, though conveying historic rather than current discriminatory practices may not be enough. And I realize I shouldn't let the seeming artificiality of the discussion stop me from having it - non-white parents talk about race and discrimination even in the absence of an event to prompt it. And without explicit talk, our children will create their own labels and interpretations that may be very counter to our beliefs.

What do you think? Do you talk about race? How do you approach this sensitive topic with your children? Are you convinced by the research suggesting explicit conversations are required, that it's not enough to espouse "everyone is equal"? Share your thoughts in the comments - please don't be shy!

This entry was posted on 11/16/09 and is filed under Jennifer Caleshu.
Tagged: book club

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